Philosophical meanderings revisited

In comments, fellow blogger BobG attempted to allay my concerns about the naming conventions of squirrel food and its source:

Acorn comes from ak + corn, oak + grain.

But that creates more questions than it answers:

Why aren’t the trees called ak trees?

If the proper terminology for a nut is “corn”, Why aren’t walnut trees simply called “wal trees” and walnuts called walcorns?

Conversely, if ak = oak, why aren’t acorns called “aknuts” or “anuts”?

All I’m asking for here is a little consistency. Am I wrong???

I must admit, he lost me a little bit when he inferred moral equivalence between the naming conventions of certain dehydrated fruits and animal products:

Some fruits are named differently after drying depending on the original language. For instance, cow=beef, pig=pork, sheep=mutton, chicken=poultry. The name of the animal was Anglo-Saxon, but the food from the animal was Norman, since the Normans were the overlords and got to eat all the good food that their Anglo-Saxon serfs raised for them.

Don’t go getting all medieval on me. Everyone knows that meat products are referred to differently than their source animals to protect the delicate sensibilities of city folk who don’t want to contemplate that that succulent piece of beef was once a fuzzy, cuddly cow; or that the juicy, tasty pork on their plate was hacked from the slaughtered body of Wilbur the Wonderful Pig.

There seems to be no such issue with fruits or nuts…heck, even Vegans butcher those poor, defenseless tofu plants for food.

I’ve made up my mind.

I’ll have none of this inconsistency.

Whereas, Acorns are the fruit of a particular tree;

Whereas, the fruit of other trees throughout the land are named after the trees from whence they come;

Whereas, I’m stubborn, a bit irrational and have an exceedingly unorthodox sense of humor;

Whereas I like the sound of “acorn” better than “oaknut;”

Therefore be it decreed that:

henceforth and forever more, the deciduous, broad leafed quercus immediately in the front of my property shall be known as an “acorn tree.”

Signed by my hand into Sailor’s Law, this day, December Third in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Seven.

There; it’s official.


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