The Knowledge Police

Gun dealers and employees in New York arrested for providing information to customers:

Nassau County District Attorney Kathleen Rice says a 10-month investigation found the gun dealers modified assault rifles to bring them in compliance with state law. The dealers then would instruct the undercover officers posing as customers how to change them back into full-fledged assault weapons.

Scene:  Mom and pop gun shop in up-state New York

Gun dealer:  “OK…you passed the background check, have filled out the forms, jumped through all the hoops and paid all of your poll taxes.  Here is your firearm which has been cosmetically altered so as to no longer look scary in the eyes of the law.”

Customer:  “Well, what would I have to do to make my firearm look scary again?”

Gun dealer:  “What, are you stupid?  Obviously, you put the cosmetic parts back on that we took off:  flash hider, bayonet lug, adjustable stock, shoulder thing that goes up, etc.”

Customer:  “I’m an undercover Police Officer.  It’s too hard and dangerous to track down actual criminals so you’ll have to do:  you’re under arrest for selling me a perfectly legal gun and telling me how to make it look scary.  Book-em Danno”.

Cut to Press Conference later

Customer – cum – Police Officer: “No need to thank me, putting my life on the line to arrest these dangerous store clerks and business owners is all in a day’s work.  The real story here is that we succeeded in taking this dangerous information off the streets.  Today was the first step in making our state dumber…er…safer.”

Main Stream Media Journalists:  “You’re our HERO!”.

Alternative Media Journalist (blogger wearing jammies and bunny slippers): “But, Officer…isn’t this information freely available on the Internet?”

Customer – cum – Police Officer:  “Inter-what?  What are you talking about?  Fellow Police Officers…arrest that man, he’s a subversive!  Charge him with conspiracy to disseminate information and throw him in jail with those evil, dangerous store clerks and businessmen!”

Main Stream Media Journalists:  “Sigh” [eyelashes flutttering] “You saved us again, brave Policeman.  May we have your babies?”

OK, OK…I’m not much of a humorist.  Sorry about that.  I’ll leave the humor to the people who are actually good at it from here on out.


5 thoughts on “The Knowledge Police

  1. I've quite had it with these imbecile journalists who wouldn't know an assault rifle if one walked up and kicked 'em in the arse.

    I'm glad I live in a free state.

  2. Can we please say "ass" instead of "arse"? It sounds so much more demeaning when talking about complete jackasses instead of jackarses. And god knows they need all the demeaning they can get. Dumbasses.

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