Sent to me by CB, authored by Seth, and reprinted with permission:
Dear Ms. Brezosky,
Thank you for your interesting article on the “unauthorized immigrant” who was found sleeping in Abraham’s bosom in a Texas canal.
I note with eager excitement your use of a new euphemism, “unauthorized immigrant,” for “illegal alien.” But the euphemism is insufficiently documented in this case. Specifically, we don’t know whether the son of Adam, who was found having met his maker, was an unauthorized immigrant, or an unauthorized visitor, or an unauthorized burglar, or an unauthorized worker, or an unauthorized drug seller. More specifically, it is unfair to immigrants to call him an “immigrant” when we certainly have no information as to how long he intended to stay. If he intended to stay permanently, he might have been an immigrant. If he intended to stay briefly, to visit the Alamo, he would have been a tourist. We just don’t know. But we do know that he was not a citizen. In plain terms, he was an alien.
Nor do we know whether he was “authorized” or not. His mother may have authorized him to visit her, or may have authorized him to depart Mexico before he departed this vale of tears. A human-rights group may have authorized him to enter the country. So, he may very well have been authorized by someone. We just don’t know. We do know, however, that the United States government did not authorize him to enter the country. Put in stark terms, but terms that are easily understandable, he was in the country in violation of the law, i.e., illegally.
So, in using the new euphemism “unauthorized immigrant” to describe the person who was found in the canal, having bought the farm, you were really displaying your callous indifference to accuracy. All that is known about the fellow who kicked the bucket is that he was a non-citizen in the country illegally. In other words, before leaving this mortal coil, the decedent was an illegal alien.
Better luck next time.